children are the light of our world, they are... I didnt know or realized this until I got to be part of this amazing family; I have had cats, dogs, parrots and I loved them with all my heart but nothing compares with the love of a child, nothing. And you won't believe me until you feel it. And you don't have to give birth to have that feeling and the emotions are equal of love and sadness when you say good bye to those people.
Pain will makes me stronger, I feel stronger. Its so sad that I have no option than go up, cause I've been down lately and I dont want to go there again.
Saying goodbye to the person who you thought was the love of your life is also hard, and specially if it wasn't smooth....maybe she is not the love of my life, maybe that doesn't exist, but she was the closest thing to it since I was born so.... maybe she is the preview of what is next, maybe next time.... maybe.
So this is it... its gone, wow.
it was amazing, it was so good to stay at home and eat dinner with the kids and her, share the same plate, dance in the kitchen, laugh at the kids plays, drawing on her back, holidays at her dad's will always be remembered, laying like a mexican on the back of the van too hah
I feel lucky that I got to experience that, and I think with one of the most interesting group of people.
Now im leaving my blood family and my adopted family to my friend family.
family is such a relative word.
familia.
Maybe I was meant to be alone, maybe the pain will help me become this well paid artist heh?! doubt it. but it has made me wiser.
I think once you hit your 30's you start to look back and really see things for what they were for, everything has a purpose.
I'm sorry if im not making sense or my sentences have no flow... well they never do.
I'm still in emotional shock.
we are half way there. on saturday on my grandma's birthday I will say bye to my blood family.
they are not perfect, but those I can't change and I love them, i mean in someways I'm just like them, i'm part of them we share a lot of things.
ok enough.
darling
adios
Friday 12 December 2008
Sunday 7 December 2008
Saturday 29 November 2008
its done
oh my god its done, i have the FUCKING ticket, I HATE that ticket.
I hATE this feeling, I hate my heart. jesus christ the babies, jude's birthday, his cake
his laugh god
I love them so much, do parents get over their love for their children?
and I am not even their real mom or whatever but I feel so much for them that it just seems it will be impossible to get over children.
one thing is your ex and another those little people that were part of your life and thought you so much and soften your heart.
It gets me sad now everytime I see a kid, every fucking time.
i lost them. I lost her.
I dont see how am i going to get out of this one.
and she seems so fine, so ok with the breakup like it wasn't big deal.
she is happy
i am the most miserable person
my dad says the kids will be ok, and I believe they will, I wasn't in their lives long enough for them to miss me for too long plus they have both of their parents and kellye.
but i am left alone, with the memories.
memories that are in two bins and tattooed on my brain.
I have cried every night and day from a month now.
and they will be a lot more of those once I leave this town.
we won't be looking at the same sky, they will be back here everybody will be back here but me.
because i wasn't accepted
I dont regret the relationship. it was the most fantastic feeling I have ever felt for somebody and for her children and family.
I learned so much
and now I am paying with tears of blood
I guess everything has its price
I hATE this feeling, I hate my heart. jesus christ the babies, jude's birthday, his cake
his laugh god
I love them so much, do parents get over their love for their children?
and I am not even their real mom or whatever but I feel so much for them that it just seems it will be impossible to get over children.
one thing is your ex and another those little people that were part of your life and thought you so much and soften your heart.
It gets me sad now everytime I see a kid, every fucking time.
i lost them. I lost her.
I dont see how am i going to get out of this one.
and she seems so fine, so ok with the breakup like it wasn't big deal.
she is happy
i am the most miserable person
my dad says the kids will be ok, and I believe they will, I wasn't in their lives long enough for them to miss me for too long plus they have both of their parents and kellye.
but i am left alone, with the memories.
memories that are in two bins and tattooed on my brain.
I have cried every night and day from a month now.
and they will be a lot more of those once I leave this town.
we won't be looking at the same sky, they will be back here everybody will be back here but me.
because i wasn't accepted
I dont regret the relationship. it was the most fantastic feeling I have ever felt for somebody and for her children and family.
I learned so much
and now I am paying with tears of blood
I guess everything has its price
Tuesday 25 November 2008
Saturday 22 November 2008
bus
So after I went to buy my tampons, I noticed that the bus stop was right outside the market, I had my backpack with my sketchbook and pencils and some pesos for the bus.
So I decided to take the bus and go to downtown and sit on the main plaza and I drew some trees. they came out great.
Also I was writing as the day went by:
this is what I got:
And here I am riding the bus to whatever destination. The bus is so jumpy I can't hardly write.
This culture, my home culture, is so strange to me.
I guess most old men here never retire, im talking about the poor ones, you always see old men doing odd jobs out here.
This bus must be in use since the 80's it looks so old.
People always stare at me. I wonder if they thing if I am a weird tourist of a mayan gone wrong.
I should have eaten something else than that banana and a cup of coffee, but oh well, its 2pm now.
Here in downtown its where working people gather, they walk passing in a hurry most of them carrying always something.
The young, and mostly the young me always look a little faggy to me haha, they do, like they try too much. too much wanna be, like the kids at american idol. hahah but really they try to keep up with fashion but they just over do it.
Women seem more neutral, like you could take them a few years back and forth and they would look ok. they look just basic. maybe because they are not supposed to get out of the box, maybe they dont want to.
Pigeons, they have shit all over the downtown plaza ground, but yet, they look beautiful when they fly around following a wind wave.
Children always chase pigeons, I guess that's what they get for polluting so much.
I should go back now.
Its 4pm and it was a little difficult but I finally manage to find my bus stop, and I guess the same driver is still on the clock, I can recognize that mullet from 30 ft.
I am starving.
For a local this was just another day, another sale to try to make, another peso to work for.
For a tourist this was just another day for a snapshot opportunity.
and for me, well I dont know i'm lost in limbo.
ok we are off and the shaking of the bus has started so good bye.
Ps. I wish my camera was fixed already
So I decided to take the bus and go to downtown and sit on the main plaza and I drew some trees. they came out great.
Also I was writing as the day went by:
this is what I got:
And here I am riding the bus to whatever destination. The bus is so jumpy I can't hardly write.
This culture, my home culture, is so strange to me.
I guess most old men here never retire, im talking about the poor ones, you always see old men doing odd jobs out here.
This bus must be in use since the 80's it looks so old.
People always stare at me. I wonder if they thing if I am a weird tourist of a mayan gone wrong.
I should have eaten something else than that banana and a cup of coffee, but oh well, its 2pm now.
Here in downtown its where working people gather, they walk passing in a hurry most of them carrying always something.
The young, and mostly the young me always look a little faggy to me haha, they do, like they try too much. too much wanna be, like the kids at american idol. hahah but really they try to keep up with fashion but they just over do it.
Women seem more neutral, like you could take them a few years back and forth and they would look ok. they look just basic. maybe because they are not supposed to get out of the box, maybe they dont want to.
Pigeons, they have shit all over the downtown plaza ground, but yet, they look beautiful when they fly around following a wind wave.
Children always chase pigeons, I guess that's what they get for polluting so much.
I should go back now.
Its 4pm and it was a little difficult but I finally manage to find my bus stop, and I guess the same driver is still on the clock, I can recognize that mullet from 30 ft.
I am starving.
For a local this was just another day, another sale to try to make, another peso to work for.
For a tourist this was just another day for a snapshot opportunity.
and for me, well I dont know i'm lost in limbo.
ok we are off and the shaking of the bus has started so good bye.
Ps. I wish my camera was fixed already
Friday 21 November 2008
ipod
I wanted to thank my ipod since its the only source of comfort that comes these days.
I find it extremely hard to move to your homeland (with your then gf and her kids) then break up, then go thru the heartbreak and find the strenght to still face this country, to re-encounter your culture, and I think when you don't have the tools to express what you are going thru (aka my painting supplies not being here yet) it feels like your mouth is taped shut. Yes I can write about it, but im not a writer and It doesnt feel the same, it doesn't feel like i am creating. it just feels like im talking.
I have admitted that I do not belong to a small city, that a change to a bigger city is a command, might be in this same country and for the looks of my pocket it has to be. but so many things are in the way.
-finish the neverending process to get my GED diploma, its not that I need much (like maybe 1 or 2 tests to be taken) but the waiting of the process is taking months! leave it to a third world country.
-finish my fucking knee therapy and hopefully by Dec 10 the doctor give me the ok to go
-leave faith and the kids here in merida and move on. they will probably will move back to the states in sept anyway.
so yes, mexicans get used to my tattoos and yes i am a lesbian an no I don't need a man to prove that i am worth it or please, please do not feel sorry for me because i'm not married and im 32. Can you just guys understand?
Why wasn't I born in a more open minded culture, maybe it wouldnt have been as hard to get use to it. But Mexico is good, maybe I just need to change like I said to a bigger city like Mexico city and die from pollution but its ok.
agh, facing your homeland and trying to start a life when you are going to the deepest heartbreak is not easy.
I find it extremely hard to move to your homeland (with your then gf and her kids) then break up, then go thru the heartbreak and find the strenght to still face this country, to re-encounter your culture, and I think when you don't have the tools to express what you are going thru (aka my painting supplies not being here yet) it feels like your mouth is taped shut. Yes I can write about it, but im not a writer and It doesnt feel the same, it doesn't feel like i am creating. it just feels like im talking.
I have admitted that I do not belong to a small city, that a change to a bigger city is a command, might be in this same country and for the looks of my pocket it has to be. but so many things are in the way.
-finish the neverending process to get my GED diploma, its not that I need much (like maybe 1 or 2 tests to be taken) but the waiting of the process is taking months! leave it to a third world country.
-finish my fucking knee therapy and hopefully by Dec 10 the doctor give me the ok to go
-leave faith and the kids here in merida and move on. they will probably will move back to the states in sept anyway.
so yes, mexicans get used to my tattoos and yes i am a lesbian an no I don't need a man to prove that i am worth it or please, please do not feel sorry for me because i'm not married and im 32. Can you just guys understand?
Why wasn't I born in a more open minded culture, maybe it wouldnt have been as hard to get use to it. But Mexico is good, maybe I just need to change like I said to a bigger city like Mexico city and die from pollution but its ok.
agh, facing your homeland and trying to start a life when you are going to the deepest heartbreak is not easy.
Saturday 15 November 2008
just because
I dont know why i'm writing, maybe because I dont want to fall asleep yet, or maybe I don't want other words in my head but the ones i'm using right now to type this.
getting my GED has been a headache and fucking expensive and I still the paperwork its not 100% done, its close but still.
in 20 days they should tell me what subjects I should be tested and then I need to pay and register for that test and won't actually take it until A MONTH after that.... and hopefully it won't be that many fucking subjects cause not only I need to pay for every test but I need to get the books too. I only owed 1 subject in highschool but since these are two different institutions (i can't go by the one I coursed) the school plans are different, so they take different classes.
like there's this one that im sure im going to take the test called "bio-etics" like I have no idea what it is, and like "music appreciation" I dont know.. oh! and I can only take it in the state of Yucatan. SO decide finish school or move.
among all other things around it
fuck
getting my GED has been a headache and fucking expensive and I still the paperwork its not 100% done, its close but still.
in 20 days they should tell me what subjects I should be tested and then I need to pay and register for that test and won't actually take it until A MONTH after that.... and hopefully it won't be that many fucking subjects cause not only I need to pay for every test but I need to get the books too. I only owed 1 subject in highschool but since these are two different institutions (i can't go by the one I coursed) the school plans are different, so they take different classes.
like there's this one that im sure im going to take the test called "bio-etics" like I have no idea what it is, and like "music appreciation" I dont know.. oh! and I can only take it in the state of Yucatan. SO decide finish school or move.
among all other things around it
fuck
Thursday 13 November 2008
teresita audelo
I know u are the only one who reads this
I just wanted to thank you for your friendship, I really do.
and even when we are "mean" to eachother is our way to say i love you isnt it :)
I miss you my friend.
we should schedule a phone date.
I just wanted to thank you for your friendship, I really do.
and even when we are "mean" to eachother is our way to say i love you isnt it :)
I miss you my friend.
we should schedule a phone date.
Wednesday 12 November 2008
Tuesday 11 November 2008
fohohfjlvndfjbotuiertrfsdcx
i can't live in closed minded society, it is not helping my depression and I feel like I dont have a choice but to stay because all the things that are forcing me to stay here (knee, school) But today for example I couldnt get out of bed until now, and now its 7pm. I dont know if its worth the school for me to stay here, the knee therapy will be over by december and then I have to do some Xrays hopefully the doctor will say "well, just take care of yourself and go kid" as it is, its hard to imagine that I will be stuck here another month. and when if im available to leave how much money im going to have, maybe I"ll be stuck here. Nobody has offered me a job, and believe me I have tried.
I was thinking today that I would totally spend the last money that I have for a ticket to tj, have you guys come to tj and hold me and talk for hours, it would be worth the money.
I feel like i'm in jail, I bearly ever see other human being. Faith wont seat down and talk to me, i dont know why, and that makes me sad. she comes here when she needs to use the internet or when she lets me hang out with the kids but I really wish I had her as a friend to talk to, I know that I still love her but really i just need somebody to listen. but she won't even explain why she won't do it.
My family is not the best support when it comes to your emotions, they prefer if you could keep it to your self. specially if it comes to my issues.
I feel like this is breaking me down so hard and I Dont know if im going to be able to go back up. suicide is an option that I cant even think of right now, im not there yet. i dont want to be there either. but God help me i'm so fucking alone.
I was thinking today that I would totally spend the last money that I have for a ticket to tj, have you guys come to tj and hold me and talk for hours, it would be worth the money.
I feel like i'm in jail, I bearly ever see other human being. Faith wont seat down and talk to me, i dont know why, and that makes me sad. she comes here when she needs to use the internet or when she lets me hang out with the kids but I really wish I had her as a friend to talk to, I know that I still love her but really i just need somebody to listen. but she won't even explain why she won't do it.
My family is not the best support when it comes to your emotions, they prefer if you could keep it to your self. specially if it comes to my issues.
I feel like this is breaking me down so hard and I Dont know if im going to be able to go back up. suicide is an option that I cant even think of right now, im not there yet. i dont want to be there either. but God help me i'm so fucking alone.
Monday 10 November 2008
last minute post
i know I JUST posted but I wanted to add (read the post below first)
that with all the cons and pros.
not seeing the children is going to break the last piece of my heart.
that with all the cons and pros.
not seeing the children is going to break the last piece of my heart.
pros and cons
ok so there's a big possibility that I might move to mexico city in january as you all know. BUT there's a lot of things to take in consideration and I hate them because they are important things that I maybe shouldnt overlook or not, so I decided to make a list.
Pros to move to Mexico city
-i Will be working with my cousin's gf who according to them works in a company owned by women and I think they do like commercials and stuff, i'll be the assistant in the art dept. they only work a few times a month but when they do its like 12 to 24 shifts but my cousin said that the rest of the time i can dedicate to paint. so the Pro is working in the art community
- This will hurt more than I can imagine, but leaving faith and the kids I think will be the only way for me to find closure being a couple of blocks away fails and I always look for them.
-living in a more diverse population has always been a plus
-mexico city (hate their pollution problem) but its one important city and will add to my resume.
so cons
- I just started therapy with this psychologist guy, its free thru my insurance and I dont know maybe I should stick longer with it, i have many issues.
-my knee,I found out today, needs more physical therapy, which wont take more than a month but still its going to take 9 months to completly heal so if I leave I wont see my doctor but my dad says from here its up to me how well I heal and I dont necessary need a doctor, but then again my dad is Mr no-worries.
-I need to get my GED, I only needed to pass ONE subject to graduate from highschool but then I decided to go to California and never took care of it, im trying to do it now but the process its going to take at least 2 mother fucking months.
-I already feel alone but I have two good friends from highschool that we kept in touch thru email these last 13 years, its not the same connection as my friends back in CA cause, well they havent been with me all these years. so IF i leave to mexico city I will be left with no-one but ofcourse one can always make friends, its just that i need to pass this co-dependency stage of needing somebody there.
-I havent seen my cousin in 13 years, I heard that he was all into drugs for many years but according to my sister he is now clean and he is making a living as a painter (fine arts) and Dj. I just hope I dont get there and its a dungeon.
ok so therapy, I can always get it in mexico too, but it will be almost impossible since I dont know that city and what hospital my insurance covers. BUT maybe its a good therapy to move.... I'll ask my psychologist on wednesday.
the knee- the fucking knee better heal up fast, I dont have time for her whining.
higschool. fucking highschool. i can also do it in mexico city but like I said, that city is insane and I think it will be a mess to find a follow the protocol there.
i dont have a job here, I cant wait forever to decide to move, money is leaving my pocket and I need to act. i tried to find a job here but so far nothing. Yucatecans are very traditional and im not. at least people who are over 50 who happen most of the time to be the owners of almost everything.
mm so lets think.
next move will be Canada, I wish I could move to Europe but we are broke here in the americans and since I cant enter legally US again (for now) maybe canada will provide the dollars to move to europe. I just need a contact and save more, maybe in a year. who the fuck knows.
Pros to move to Mexico city
-i Will be working with my cousin's gf who according to them works in a company owned by women and I think they do like commercials and stuff, i'll be the assistant in the art dept. they only work a few times a month but when they do its like 12 to 24 shifts but my cousin said that the rest of the time i can dedicate to paint. so the Pro is working in the art community
- This will hurt more than I can imagine, but leaving faith and the kids I think will be the only way for me to find closure being a couple of blocks away fails and I always look for them.
-living in a more diverse population has always been a plus
-mexico city (hate their pollution problem) but its one important city and will add to my resume.
so cons
- I just started therapy with this psychologist guy, its free thru my insurance and I dont know maybe I should stick longer with it, i have many issues.
-my knee,I found out today, needs more physical therapy, which wont take more than a month but still its going to take 9 months to completly heal so if I leave I wont see my doctor but my dad says from here its up to me how well I heal and I dont necessary need a doctor, but then again my dad is Mr no-worries.
-I need to get my GED, I only needed to pass ONE subject to graduate from highschool but then I decided to go to California and never took care of it, im trying to do it now but the process its going to take at least 2 mother fucking months.
-I already feel alone but I have two good friends from highschool that we kept in touch thru email these last 13 years, its not the same connection as my friends back in CA cause, well they havent been with me all these years. so IF i leave to mexico city I will be left with no-one but ofcourse one can always make friends, its just that i need to pass this co-dependency stage of needing somebody there.
-I havent seen my cousin in 13 years, I heard that he was all into drugs for many years but according to my sister he is now clean and he is making a living as a painter (fine arts) and Dj. I just hope I dont get there and its a dungeon.
ok so therapy, I can always get it in mexico too, but it will be almost impossible since I dont know that city and what hospital my insurance covers. BUT maybe its a good therapy to move.... I'll ask my psychologist on wednesday.
the knee- the fucking knee better heal up fast, I dont have time for her whining.
higschool. fucking highschool. i can also do it in mexico city but like I said, that city is insane and I think it will be a mess to find a follow the protocol there.
i dont have a job here, I cant wait forever to decide to move, money is leaving my pocket and I need to act. i tried to find a job here but so far nothing. Yucatecans are very traditional and im not. at least people who are over 50 who happen most of the time to be the owners of almost everything.
mm so lets think.
next move will be Canada, I wish I could move to Europe but we are broke here in the americans and since I cant enter legally US again (for now) maybe canada will provide the dollars to move to europe. I just need a contact and save more, maybe in a year. who the fuck knows.
Sunday 9 November 2008
message
this was one message that i just wrote one of my good friends, I know that the theme is redundant but when there's nothing else in your head what can u do? i'm using the email just because im too lazy to re-type
hello
how are u morgan? i miss you both, friends like you guys are very hard to find did you know that. I dont know what it is, maybe the beer heh
so, I've been thinking about that word you told me closure, and you nailed it, that's why i cry like a dog everyday and I feel life cant be possible without her.
I look at her, and she is so content with her life, I haven't have the opportunity to talk to her in a long time, everytime we see eachother the kids and a lot of things are going on around us, I have invited her to have coffee or a cocktail to talk to me, she doesnt take the invitation easy... probably because she knows that im going to cry and blablaal. and when you are over somebody you just dont want to see that, i get it.
I just want to have some kind of closure, will talking to her bring it, maybe not maybe yes. maybe I'll put a shotgun on my head and that will be it hah (bad joke)
I am left with all these emotions and I just can accept that the answer is so simple, there is no love left.
MY cousin called me today he said I could work for his gf production company as an production art assistant or something like that.. he said that they only work maybe twice a month but when they do its like 12 to24 hrs shifts.
im scared of mexico city, most of all i'm scared of being 100% alone... like not know ANYONE besides that cousin... but then we should be able to be ok alone right? i just dont see where im going to pull the streght from.
So i'll have a job in mexico city, oh! but yesterday my friends where mentioning about this little town 45 minutes from can cun. called Playa del Carmen, google it and you'll see that is like heaven. it has a huge European community living there and most of the business are managed in english, so i'll have a chance there and its only 3 hrs away from merida, and can always visit jude ;( but I dont have a contact there or nothing so its kinda impossible.
anyway, so I guess mexico city it is in january, i hope by then i'm better.
It is so bad for your selfesteem seeing your ex so happy after the breakup and you so alone and sad.
would you pick me up at the border and warp me in a blanket and sing to me beatles songs?
awwwwwwwww
hello
how are u morgan? i miss you both, friends like you guys are very hard to find did you know that. I dont know what it is, maybe the beer heh
so, I've been thinking about that word you told me closure, and you nailed it, that's why i cry like a dog everyday and I feel life cant be possible without her.
I look at her, and she is so content with her life, I haven't have the opportunity to talk to her in a long time, everytime we see eachother the kids and a lot of things are going on around us, I have invited her to have coffee or a cocktail to talk to me, she doesnt take the invitation easy... probably because she knows that im going to cry and blablaal. and when you are over somebody you just dont want to see that, i get it.
I just want to have some kind of closure, will talking to her bring it, maybe not maybe yes. maybe I'll put a shotgun on my head and that will be it hah (bad joke)
I am left with all these emotions and I just can accept that the answer is so simple, there is no love left.
MY cousin called me today he said I could work for his gf production company as an production art assistant or something like that.. he said that they only work maybe twice a month but when they do its like 12 to24 hrs shifts.
im scared of mexico city, most of all i'm scared of being 100% alone... like not know ANYONE besides that cousin... but then we should be able to be ok alone right? i just dont see where im going to pull the streght from.
So i'll have a job in mexico city, oh! but yesterday my friends where mentioning about this little town 45 minutes from can cun. called Playa del Carmen, google it and you'll see that is like heaven. it has a huge European community living there and most of the business are managed in english, so i'll have a chance there and its only 3 hrs away from merida, and can always visit jude ;( but I dont have a contact there or nothing so its kinda impossible.
anyway, so I guess mexico city it is in january, i hope by then i'm better.
It is so bad for your selfesteem seeing your ex so happy after the breakup and you so alone and sad.
would you pick me up at the border and warp me in a blanket and sing to me beatles songs?
awwwwwwwww
Saturday 8 November 2008
B-O-R-E-D-O-M
There's no job, no family, no paint or art supplies, no books to read, no friends to hang out with.
yes, i know my family lives here, but would you like to hang out with your aunts or mom on a saturday night?
yes I know some people who were my friends in highschool but how can I relate to them if we have 13 years of life that divide us.
I think boredom is lack of creativity, it is. But when you are down you don't feel too creative I guess.
so i'm dying here and If this is co-depency fuck this shit.
makes me also think what if i move to another place like I've been thinking but the problem will be too that I will know LESS people. LESS family. God Dammit. how can you start a plan when you cant find yourself.
I hope this psychologist helps me.
im fucking BOred and that drives me call faith and push her away more because she is in her own space and wants no part of me involved (at least no more than a couple of hours)
All I can do its draw with some pencils I brought with me and be here.
yes, i know my family lives here, but would you like to hang out with your aunts or mom on a saturday night?
yes I know some people who were my friends in highschool but how can I relate to them if we have 13 years of life that divide us.
I think boredom is lack of creativity, it is. But when you are down you don't feel too creative I guess.
so i'm dying here and If this is co-depency fuck this shit.
makes me also think what if i move to another place like I've been thinking but the problem will be too that I will know LESS people. LESS family. God Dammit. how can you start a plan when you cant find yourself.
I hope this psychologist helps me.
im fucking BOred and that drives me call faith and push her away more because she is in her own space and wants no part of me involved (at least no more than a couple of hours)
All I can do its draw with some pencils I brought with me and be here.
Thursday 6 November 2008
i am just so tired
of all this negative, and I do really try to search for new horizon, I try to accept that is over and try to see the good side of things, but I fail, fail over and over and i'm just drained. It seems like forever since I felt happy, real happy not just amused and laughed hard at some friend joke. Happy inside, happy you know.
I think that since I was single for so many years and then I got in a relationship for a couple of years and got so into it that now that it ended I just cant find my center, I cant find my independence. Like I feel the need to be with somebody, to talk to, to kiss to, to fuck with! you know. and i hate that cause ALL my life I never felt that missing spot. I was fine... I want to feel fine again. I dont want to feel heartbroken. I dont want to miss her! I dont. it only hurts me, nobody else and it is only My OWN doing, so that get me mad at myself too.
Everything that i touch it turns to shit.
She told me today that she didnt feel like she could lean on me when we were girlfriends so why should she now...
well, I was under the impression that she could when we were together.... I asked her if what we had was real, she said yes, but I asked because it seems like we have two different versions of our time together but I truly felt we were in the same page, we got angry yes, but it was clear why... like I didnt know she felt like she couldnt lean on me.
Am I the biggest idiot in the whole world? how other people call me their friend when i'm this thing... I mean who in the right mind can fuck up the best relationship they ever had in their life, who would fuck with their soulmate. why did I do that, according to her I did it.
I dont fucking care who reads it, i know its not private or whatever and nobody probably does, who the fuck wants to hear the same whiner sing the same pathetic song.
im going to fuck up my keyboard cause my tears are falling on it.
bye
I think that since I was single for so many years and then I got in a relationship for a couple of years and got so into it that now that it ended I just cant find my center, I cant find my independence. Like I feel the need to be with somebody, to talk to, to kiss to, to fuck with! you know. and i hate that cause ALL my life I never felt that missing spot. I was fine... I want to feel fine again. I dont want to feel heartbroken. I dont want to miss her! I dont. it only hurts me, nobody else and it is only My OWN doing, so that get me mad at myself too.
Everything that i touch it turns to shit.
She told me today that she didnt feel like she could lean on me when we were girlfriends so why should she now...
well, I was under the impression that she could when we were together.... I asked her if what we had was real, she said yes, but I asked because it seems like we have two different versions of our time together but I truly felt we were in the same page, we got angry yes, but it was clear why... like I didnt know she felt like she couldnt lean on me.
Am I the biggest idiot in the whole world? how other people call me their friend when i'm this thing... I mean who in the right mind can fuck up the best relationship they ever had in their life, who would fuck with their soulmate. why did I do that, according to her I did it.
I dont fucking care who reads it, i know its not private or whatever and nobody probably does, who the fuck wants to hear the same whiner sing the same pathetic song.
im going to fuck up my keyboard cause my tears are falling on it.
bye
Wednesday 5 November 2008
title
If you dont know me, in real life, I bet you think i'm a sad serious person, in reality I laugh a lot, my ex told me when we first met that people who laugh a lot are angry, well I have to admit my ex is a very wise woman.
I'm usually very optimistic though, even if i'm angry.
but these times are fucking testing me
lets review the bad parts of the last 3 months, shall we. just for kicks.
*left my dearest friends, the town i knew and loved by heart, left my last 13 years behind.
*My little sister never let us feel at home when part of that house IS my home and one day she went psycho and lost all my respect.
*got surgery on my knee, I ended up paying more than I thought I was going to pay.
*spent one whole month in my little sisters bedroom (because of my knee) while my girlfriend started to question our relationship and started to feel insane in that house.
*girlfriend broke up with me leaving me empty and clueless of what should I do next
*applied for jobs and no one has called back
*took english test to teach english and the idiot on the phone told me that I fucking failed! (??!!)
*getting my GED degree has more steps than the fucking pyramids of chichen Itza (they are very fucking high)
*My middle sister took me to see her dentist and he told me that I have 11 cavities, 11!!!! and they are going have to wait cause i cant afford to fix them.
*i'm getting more poor by the hour.
*I still dont have my painting supplies, and THAT could bring me some money if I sell some little paintings.
ok lets see the bright side of things.
* it was nice to see the good side of my family
*nice to eat grandma's cooking
*Dad traded my pc laptop for his brand new mac (but we are missing the administrator password, I dont question where he got this laptop from)
*MAssiel feeds me well, always have food at home and doesn't charge me for any bill or groceries.
*mmmm I Dont know what else right now.
that's it
lets weight them! :)
I'm usually very optimistic though, even if i'm angry.
but these times are fucking testing me
lets review the bad parts of the last 3 months, shall we. just for kicks.
*left my dearest friends, the town i knew and loved by heart, left my last 13 years behind.
*My little sister never let us feel at home when part of that house IS my home and one day she went psycho and lost all my respect.
*got surgery on my knee, I ended up paying more than I thought I was going to pay.
*spent one whole month in my little sisters bedroom (because of my knee) while my girlfriend started to question our relationship and started to feel insane in that house.
*girlfriend broke up with me leaving me empty and clueless of what should I do next
*applied for jobs and no one has called back
*took english test to teach english and the idiot on the phone told me that I fucking failed! (??!!)
*getting my GED degree has more steps than the fucking pyramids of chichen Itza (they are very fucking high)
*My middle sister took me to see her dentist and he told me that I have 11 cavities, 11!!!! and they are going have to wait cause i cant afford to fix them.
*i'm getting more poor by the hour.
*I still dont have my painting supplies, and THAT could bring me some money if I sell some little paintings.
ok lets see the bright side of things.
* it was nice to see the good side of my family
*nice to eat grandma's cooking
*Dad traded my pc laptop for his brand new mac (but we are missing the administrator password, I dont question where he got this laptop from)
*MAssiel feeds me well, always have food at home and doesn't charge me for any bill or groceries.
*mmmm I Dont know what else right now.
that's it
lets weight them! :)
Monday 3 November 2008
Saturday 1 November 2008
its 3:35am
I should go to bed.
damn alcohol beverages.
made me numbed and then made me more aware.
good night
wish me a happy hang over tomorrow
bye
damn alcohol beverages.
made me numbed and then made me more aware.
good night
wish me a happy hang over tomorrow
bye
Wednesday 29 October 2008
today
today is not a good day. i cant stop crying.
I feel like for a few these I held it in and now it came back.
What am i going to do of my life? everything sounds so impossible, everything has crashed down. I just didnt expect this... fuck man, this sucks.. it huuuuurts, it is killing me.
the love of my life god dammit.
these past few days I felt so strong about going to mexico city, now I just can imagine how it would feel not be a walking distance of them.
I know, it will probably will get tolerable as time passes by... but meanwhile?
I went to the job fair, i gave my resume to all the hotels I could.. most only offered maybe the position of Receptionist. since I dont have any higher education. ... and wait until they see my tattoos. so see, like it will be incredible difficult to stay here and find a job, at least a job that I semi-like.. and what if i go mexico and there's nothing there either? or if there is then I'll be far away from the kids and faith.
whatever.......... this blog is useless, its the same crap just different day, its been a week today since we moved out.
oh fuck man i dont know how im going to make it.
I feel like for a few these I held it in and now it came back.
What am i going to do of my life? everything sounds so impossible, everything has crashed down. I just didnt expect this... fuck man, this sucks.. it huuuuurts, it is killing me.
the love of my life god dammit.
these past few days I felt so strong about going to mexico city, now I just can imagine how it would feel not be a walking distance of them.
I know, it will probably will get tolerable as time passes by... but meanwhile?
I went to the job fair, i gave my resume to all the hotels I could.. most only offered maybe the position of Receptionist. since I dont have any higher education. ... and wait until they see my tattoos. so see, like it will be incredible difficult to stay here and find a job, at least a job that I semi-like.. and what if i go mexico and there's nothing there either? or if there is then I'll be far away from the kids and faith.
whatever.......... this blog is useless, its the same crap just different day, its been a week today since we moved out.
oh fuck man i dont know how im going to make it.
Tuesday 28 October 2008
ahem
I should ALWAYS check the date before I go to an event.
I woke up got ready to go, waited for an HOUR for my sister to pick me up to go to the job fair (she is ALWAYS late) and we got there and it was empty!; I checked the date on my phone and I was a day EARLY!!! motha fukkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I'm actually going to blame it on my sister cause when I showed her the ad yesterday she told me it was tomorrow (today) ugh
so I'll do everything over tomorrow, get up go,smile kiss ass and good bye
I woke up got ready to go, waited for an HOUR for my sister to pick me up to go to the job fair (she is ALWAYS late) and we got there and it was empty!; I checked the date on my phone and I was a day EARLY!!! motha fukkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I'm actually going to blame it on my sister cause when I showed her the ad yesterday she told me it was tomorrow (today) ugh
so I'll do everything over tomorrow, get up go,smile kiss ass and good bye
Monday 27 October 2008
Job freaking fair
I should go to sleep soon cause tomorrow I have a "big day" im going to a job fair where 99% of the jobs offered are administrative as always blhaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
whatever, i need to make money but i really really dont want to get into an office plus i dont want to hide my fucking tattoos. they should just get over it. fuck! they are beautiful. they are!
ugh.
job jo b o oo oo o o
why cant anybody say to me here vanessa, take all this art supplies and have fun, that's your job. I dont even need to get paid as long as they give me a roof and food im good... maybe a bottle of wine from time to time would help too.
oh! somebody left a comment on my blog from yesterday, that took me by surprise I didnt know somebody reads this thing. haha well, thank you to that girl who posted the comment (i cant rememer your name) thanks for listening. ha
anyway yeah i should go to sleep and go to corporation fucking hell tomorrow.
whatever, i need to make money but i really really dont want to get into an office plus i dont want to hide my fucking tattoos. they should just get over it. fuck! they are beautiful. they are!
ugh.
job jo b o oo oo o o
why cant anybody say to me here vanessa, take all this art supplies and have fun, that's your job. I dont even need to get paid as long as they give me a roof and food im good... maybe a bottle of wine from time to time would help too.
oh! somebody left a comment on my blog from yesterday, that took me by surprise I didnt know somebody reads this thing. haha well, thank you to that girl who posted the comment (i cant rememer your name) thanks for listening. ha
anyway yeah i should go to sleep and go to corporation fucking hell tomorrow.
intervention
I dont know why sometimes (every few months) i get into watch endless episodes on youtube of the A&E program "intervention". its a show about addicts and how are they fucking up their lifes and then comes the intervention and off they go for a couple of months to a facility. Some make it some dont.
I think i become addicted to this show When i watch it. if im not watching it, and like 99% of the time I dont think about it, im fine.
But like right now, after watching I think 4 episodes I feel like them. like all sad and beat up, and I was already sad to start with so that wasnt a good idea.
Well I had a good day today actually, I was in a good mood. I just have to get back to that mood and think about it and forget about that show. Its like when you see a weird movie and that weird feeling stays in you.
I dont know why I want to know about the lives of addicts, maybe because of my ex BJ, maybe because I have always been curious. I dont know. its terrifying. its like a bad accident that you cant stop looking at.
now its 1.18am and im going to wake up late because of that and waste the morning...not that I have much to do but at least i would be doing something.
Sometimes I forget that im in merida in my sisters house and no longer with faith... then I remember and I get sad again.
sometimes I think of the possibilities of where i can take my life and there are so many choices but I dont know if all those choices are real or Im just being a dreamer.
There's a mosquito who I cant kill and has been poking my arm all night. I have like 5 bumps in my arm.
ok time to sleep. I hope I dont think about those stupid episodes.
I think i become addicted to this show When i watch it. if im not watching it, and like 99% of the time I dont think about it, im fine.
But like right now, after watching I think 4 episodes I feel like them. like all sad and beat up, and I was already sad to start with so that wasnt a good idea.
Well I had a good day today actually, I was in a good mood. I just have to get back to that mood and think about it and forget about that show. Its like when you see a weird movie and that weird feeling stays in you.
I dont know why I want to know about the lives of addicts, maybe because of my ex BJ, maybe because I have always been curious. I dont know. its terrifying. its like a bad accident that you cant stop looking at.
now its 1.18am and im going to wake up late because of that and waste the morning...not that I have much to do but at least i would be doing something.
Sometimes I forget that im in merida in my sisters house and no longer with faith... then I remember and I get sad again.
sometimes I think of the possibilities of where i can take my life and there are so many choices but I dont know if all those choices are real or Im just being a dreamer.
There's a mosquito who I cant kill and has been poking my arm all night. I have like 5 bumps in my arm.
ok time to sleep. I hope I dont think about those stupid episodes.
Saturday 25 October 2008
downtown
i went to downtown today by myself. it wasnt my original plan but after being almost kicked out of my first idea I decided just to go.
I went inside the contemporany art museum, which has lots of cubistics and abstract paintings, which i really dont like. I dont im sorry, i try and I do consider them art because i can imagine the work.... well i think its more the MEntal work than the actual manual work that needs to be put on a piece like that. paint splashes, sponge dots, etc.
I saw a couple of Rivera's paintings which it was cool and also some siqueros. I didnt complete my tour because i started to feel that itching sensasion of going to the central park across the street and sketch away... which I did until it started raining a little bit.
I think local people see me as a tourist, i dont know. maybe because I do feel like and look like one.
i dont know where i belong, maybe in a castle like a king. heh
anyway, the day still gray but I tried to distract the feeling.
failed.
I went inside the contemporany art museum, which has lots of cubistics and abstract paintings, which i really dont like. I dont im sorry, i try and I do consider them art because i can imagine the work.... well i think its more the MEntal work than the actual manual work that needs to be put on a piece like that. paint splashes, sponge dots, etc.
I saw a couple of Rivera's paintings which it was cool and also some siqueros. I didnt complete my tour because i started to feel that itching sensasion of going to the central park across the street and sketch away... which I did until it started raining a little bit.
I think local people see me as a tourist, i dont know. maybe because I do feel like and look like one.
i dont know where i belong, maybe in a castle like a king. heh
anyway, the day still gray but I tried to distract the feeling.
failed.
Friday 24 October 2008
17 again
you know that movie coming up with Zack Efron, I'm dying to see it!!! but shhhh nobody knows it.
it would ruin my career
hahaha
it looks so funny. he is cute too
it would ruin my career
hahaha
it looks so funny. he is cute too
Wednesday 22 October 2008
internet
do you know why i love you more than even right now.
cause the time I spent browsing thru you its the only time that im not crying.
so thank you.
cause the time I spent browsing thru you its the only time that im not crying.
so thank you.
Sunday 12 October 2008
canada-mexico city-merida
we talked today, my sister massiel, my dad and I. Marisol decided to "chat" with him a little bit earlier that we had agreed and got there with her boyfrieend. they left before massiel got there.
we aer going to sell the house. but who know when that would happen. at least it will happen... my dad is going to see the bill that marisol and daniel owe plus lend us money so we can fix the house around. like the plumery, the paint, doors etc. i think the process to get the house ready to start selling it will be a couple of months at least... and from there whatever takes to sell it.
I guess i wont see the money anytime soon... but I talked to my cousin mario and he invited me to go to mexico city and stay with him at no charge while i look for a job and things like that. it sounds appetizing in some ways and not in others. in not in other because i will be leaving faith and the kids here (eventhough faith is breaking up iwth me) i will like to see the kids from time to time...daily if i can.
anway its an opcion and I know artistically speaking going to mexico city it will be a better opportunity to me to learn and show more about art.
another thing that its making me stay here... well not making me but I should stay here for a little longer is my highschool I should get my diploma and the go whatever I want to.
I was thinking (before talking to mario) going to canada, but now that i know that i wont have the money soon that wont happen. maybe if i decide to leave faith I will go there After mexico city, or if i get the money sooner I'll just go there, it seems that working there it wont be as much problem as going to europe... ofcourse i want to go to europe but maybe I should be more realistic and think of europe as a tourist destination and not a residency.
i decided to make this blog private, since I dont really talk to anybody at least I will putting some words here.
i cant wait for my painting supplies get here.
family is where the happiness is not where the blood is
we aer going to sell the house. but who know when that would happen. at least it will happen... my dad is going to see the bill that marisol and daniel owe plus lend us money so we can fix the house around. like the plumery, the paint, doors etc. i think the process to get the house ready to start selling it will be a couple of months at least... and from there whatever takes to sell it.
I guess i wont see the money anytime soon... but I talked to my cousin mario and he invited me to go to mexico city and stay with him at no charge while i look for a job and things like that. it sounds appetizing in some ways and not in others. in not in other because i will be leaving faith and the kids here (eventhough faith is breaking up iwth me) i will like to see the kids from time to time...daily if i can.
anway its an opcion and I know artistically speaking going to mexico city it will be a better opportunity to me to learn and show more about art.
another thing that its making me stay here... well not making me but I should stay here for a little longer is my highschool I should get my diploma and the go whatever I want to.
I was thinking (before talking to mario) going to canada, but now that i know that i wont have the money soon that wont happen. maybe if i decide to leave faith I will go there After mexico city, or if i get the money sooner I'll just go there, it seems that working there it wont be as much problem as going to europe... ofcourse i want to go to europe but maybe I should be more realistic and think of europe as a tourist destination and not a residency.
i decided to make this blog private, since I dont really talk to anybody at least I will putting some words here.
i cant wait for my painting supplies get here.
family is where the happiness is not where the blood is
alone in this land of the forgotten
my mother is crazy. she is bipolar and a has spent almost 20000 pesos in credit cards and now the banks want their monye back and ofcourse she cant pay back and who knows how she spent the money. she wont say or admit the truth. she cries when is cornered or when she remembers sad things, keeps talking bad of my grandma and her sister her eyes even praises the memory of my grandfather who i think was the root of all that family mental health.
my father likes to think that his family consist of his son, his wife and his stepdaugher. my sisters and I aer a painful and shameful reminder of a mistake.
my little sister is so traumatized that spits hate everytime you talk to her. this has been the most devastavating realization. she is so sick, so full of issues so angry and the worst thing is that she think she is using religion to get better. so in the name of jesus she thinks she is doing better, which is obvious she is not. I cant continue living here in my own home with her and her abusive husband.
faith and the kids are living soon to their new happy home, i will move to massiel's house and hopefully she will be a better person to live with for a while... for a while cause i'm not going to last in this city. with this family with this sadness surronding me.
I'm starting to get in my head that I wont be part of the kids future and that's fucking hard. but how can I? Im in love with faith and pretend to be her friend will be the heaviest rock to sink me into depression.
yes I will be rather be in long beach right now with my friends, with the people who loved be because of who i am. but I understand I had to come here to start living my adulthood life...i dont even know if that's grammatically correct. who the fucks cares.
anway, i came to claim my own name.
right now, i have no friends that i could talk to and cry to.
my family is a mess
faith wishes i didnt exist.
depression is destroying me and i only have 200 dollars in my wallet
what the future will hold? who knows.
i hope another country
my father likes to think that his family consist of his son, his wife and his stepdaugher. my sisters and I aer a painful and shameful reminder of a mistake.
my little sister is so traumatized that spits hate everytime you talk to her. this has been the most devastavating realization. she is so sick, so full of issues so angry and the worst thing is that she think she is using religion to get better. so in the name of jesus she thinks she is doing better, which is obvious she is not. I cant continue living here in my own home with her and her abusive husband.
faith and the kids are living soon to their new happy home, i will move to massiel's house and hopefully she will be a better person to live with for a while... for a while cause i'm not going to last in this city. with this family with this sadness surronding me.
I'm starting to get in my head that I wont be part of the kids future and that's fucking hard. but how can I? Im in love with faith and pretend to be her friend will be the heaviest rock to sink me into depression.
yes I will be rather be in long beach right now with my friends, with the people who loved be because of who i am. but I understand I had to come here to start living my adulthood life...i dont even know if that's grammatically correct. who the fucks cares.
anway, i came to claim my own name.
right now, i have no friends that i could talk to and cry to.
my family is a mess
faith wishes i didnt exist.
depression is destroying me and i only have 200 dollars in my wallet
what the future will hold? who knows.
i hope another country
Friday 10 October 2008
i dont know
WHY AM i writting on this thing. I dont even write much on myspace nad its not like anybody checks this stupid blog... maybe that;s why im posting here.
i feel alone. i feel once faith and the kids and everybody moves I will left out with this horrible family of mine, this blood family that I wish I was far away from.
its not unjustified disgust, but now that i came back and I see things with different eyes I can see how fucked up they are. the house were im living in breaths hate and grudge. its full of bad memories, betrayals, tears, screams, violence and abandment.
Faith and everybody says that im strong and that that I figure out but i dont think i can, for some reason I left this place and im scared of my very fragil mental stability.
for the love of the kids I will stay as long as I can, I hope i dont loose myself in the process.
i feel alone. i feel once faith and the kids and everybody moves I will left out with this horrible family of mine, this blood family that I wish I was far away from.
its not unjustified disgust, but now that i came back and I see things with different eyes I can see how fucked up they are. the house were im living in breaths hate and grudge. its full of bad memories, betrayals, tears, screams, violence and abandment.
Faith and everybody says that im strong and that that I figure out but i dont think i can, for some reason I left this place and im scared of my very fragil mental stability.
for the love of the kids I will stay as long as I can, I hope i dont loose myself in the process.
Thursday 25 September 2008
Tuesday 23 September 2008
one of my dreams
one of my dreams is to learn how to work with glass.
one day i will try, that's a promise
one day i will try, that's a promise
Tuesday 16 September 2008
adios
no more queen maria. myspace won, its a pain to be posting here and there. plus I think myspace its more popular.
i'll see what i do with this blog but for now, i think the queen maria will rest in peace
i'll see what i do with this blog but for now, i think the queen maria will rest in peace
Wednesday 10 September 2008
lesbos where are you?
Merida is the capital Fag city of the world; Everywhere you look you see young gay man walking around in their bright Tshirts and frozen spiky hair, they are cute but I find ask myself WHERE ARE MY LESBOS?? One thing is that I dont go out too much since my knee is still healing and another is that it seems that lesbos here are not as obvious as men are. I mean they are not too butch so their gay rainbow doesn't shine with clarity on their forheads. I miss my dykes, I would even be happy with a couple of lesbos from Broadway bar. I have 2 good friends that are lesbos but they are not totally out so its like having straight friends. they are cool, i think I'm going to out them with my presence so that's good. Maybe when I start going out more and we meet more people we will discovery the gay community. THe other day a rainbow came out in the sky and I even made Faith salute to it anyway here is a little video of our gayselves in Izamal :sighs: Long beach I miss u
Sunday 7 September 2008
DJ in the meat department
The going to the supermarket here in Merida is an experiance.
not only you can buy a MOTORCYCLE by the checking lines, you can also find a DJ playing crazy loud music by the meat dept. that and the constant sound of the lady on the intercome and all the people running around can drive somebody crazy. I mean its not relaxing, not like strolling in Ralphs were you can spend 5 minutes admiring the roasted chicken, no its different here, I guess not in a bad way... lets just say its dynamic and very interacting. There are girls offering you samples of different products everywhere!
Also when you get out and get to your car its for sure a guy with a red drape will "help" you get out of your very spacious parking space. These guys are everywhere! doesnt matter how complicated or simple the parking situation might be, they expect you to give them some pesos (usually like 3 pesos its enough) I guess everybody is trying to make a living.
In a totally different subject, here its a picture of my knee. I hope you guys had something to eat recently.
ciao ciao
Thursday 4 September 2008
my creativity is itching
UGh, I cant wait until i'm able to walk!
sucks too cause since I dont get out of this house I cant go and take pictures of the things I see and want to talk about on this blog. I guess for now you guys need to imagine what im talking about .
image a naked woman...heheh just kidding.. but its kinda powerful to think that I have the power to make you think about anything I want.
Think of a cold Coca Cola.......... good job here its a cookie ()
Moving on.
I cant wait to spray some stencils around this city, the culture and the walls are begging me to do it. they are so blank and eager to have their story told.
I want to revolutionate this town, it has the potential, it has the people, they just need a leader which um... it would be me ha!
no but for real, I need to do some art im dying here. Also all my painting supplies are going to be shipped, who knows when but hopefully soon.
ok gotta go cause kailee boo is being a 13 year old and its driving me craaaaazy hahaha in a good way.
ok i'll be back later
sucks too cause since I dont get out of this house I cant go and take pictures of the things I see and want to talk about on this blog. I guess for now you guys need to imagine what im talking about .
image a naked woman...heheh just kidding.. but its kinda powerful to think that I have the power to make you think about anything I want.
Think of a cold Coca Cola.......... good job here its a cookie ()
Moving on.
I cant wait to spray some stencils around this city, the culture and the walls are begging me to do it. they are so blank and eager to have their story told.
I want to revolutionate this town, it has the potential, it has the people, they just need a leader which um... it would be me ha!
no but for real, I need to do some art im dying here. Also all my painting supplies are going to be shipped, who knows when but hopefully soon.
ok gotta go cause kailee boo is being a 13 year old and its driving me craaaaazy hahaha in a good way.
ok i'll be back later
From a burrito to a salbut
Hello world, anybody out there?
I have decided to start a blog just like my girlfriend Faith to record our happenings in the Land of Yucatan. Forgive me if I sometimes dont make much sense, writting has never been my forte. so are you on?
good, cause I like attention ;)
After 3 weeks of arriving and getting over how hot it is here I can say since I'm laying in bed 24 hours (knee surgery) there's NOTHING like Yucatecan homemade food. My sister and grandma have been feeding me with all these delicious regional dishes, they are soo good and i'm going to get sooo fat.
I think since I dont have much entretainment from this bed my thrills are what dish am I going to eat today ha ha well that and making it to the bathroom using my crutches.
I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow and he is going to change my dirty bandages, I hope he tells me that not more than a month I have to lay in bed. My sister Marisol told me that its because i'm a Varguez its that I cant stay put in one place resting, My dad always said that he is going to go crazy once he retires from his 12 hours a day jobs, we are all like that, maybe that's why I can never take naps. It just seems such a waste of time.
From what I hear the outside world is doing just fine, the girls are happy in school; they even have best friends! and their best friends dont speak english, I dont know how that works but it seems that its working. I help the girls with their homework and they in return bother me all day eheh jk.
Well I hope I have more exciting news in my next posts... maybe my bed will catch on fire and I will develope super powers and lift the house to safety.. or my bed starts to levitate and fly like an arabian rug. I dont know... maybe I'll start pooping rainbows.
Finally, I have to say before I go that this will be an amazing experiance. My gringos are so lucky to have this opportunity and i'm so thankful that i'm the one who can share it with them.
love always
Vanessa
I have decided to start a blog just like my girlfriend Faith to record our happenings in the Land of Yucatan. Forgive me if I sometimes dont make much sense, writting has never been my forte. so are you on?
good, cause I like attention ;)
After 3 weeks of arriving and getting over how hot it is here I can say since I'm laying in bed 24 hours (knee surgery) there's NOTHING like Yucatecan homemade food. My sister and grandma have been feeding me with all these delicious regional dishes, they are soo good and i'm going to get sooo fat.
I think since I dont have much entretainment from this bed my thrills are what dish am I going to eat today ha ha well that and making it to the bathroom using my crutches.
I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow and he is going to change my dirty bandages, I hope he tells me that not more than a month I have to lay in bed. My sister Marisol told me that its because i'm a Varguez its that I cant stay put in one place resting, My dad always said that he is going to go crazy once he retires from his 12 hours a day jobs, we are all like that, maybe that's why I can never take naps. It just seems such a waste of time.
From what I hear the outside world is doing just fine, the girls are happy in school; they even have best friends! and their best friends dont speak english, I dont know how that works but it seems that its working. I help the girls with their homework and they in return bother me all day eheh jk.
Well I hope I have more exciting news in my next posts... maybe my bed will catch on fire and I will develope super powers and lift the house to safety.. or my bed starts to levitate and fly like an arabian rug. I dont know... maybe I'll start pooping rainbows.
Finally, I have to say before I go that this will be an amazing experiance. My gringos are so lucky to have this opportunity and i'm so thankful that i'm the one who can share it with them.
love always
Vanessa
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