ipod

I wanted to thank my ipod since its the only source of comfort that comes these days.

I find it extremely hard to move to your homeland (with your then gf and her kids) then break up, then go thru the heartbreak and find the strenght to still face this country, to re-encounter your culture, and I think when you don't have the tools to express what you are going thru (aka my painting supplies not being here yet) it feels like your mouth is taped shut. Yes I can write about it, but im not a writer and It doesnt feel the same, it doesn't feel like i am creating. it just feels like im talking.

I have admitted that I do not belong to a small city, that a change to a bigger city is a command, might be in this same country and for the looks of my pocket it has to be. but so many things are in the way.
-finish the neverending process to get my GED diploma, its not that I need much (like maybe 1 or 2 tests to be taken) but the waiting of the process is taking months! leave it to a third world country.
-finish my fucking knee therapy and hopefully by Dec 10 the doctor give me the ok to go
-leave faith and the kids here in merida and move on. they will probably will move back to the states in sept anyway.

so yes, mexicans get used to my tattoos and yes i am a lesbian an no I don't need a man to prove that i am worth it or please, please do not feel sorry for me because i'm not married and im 32. Can you just guys understand?

Why wasn't I born in a more open minded culture, maybe it wouldnt have been as hard to get use to it. But Mexico is good, maybe I just need to change like I said to a bigger city like Mexico city and die from pollution but its ok.

agh, facing your homeland and trying to start a life when you are going to the deepest heartbreak is not easy.