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i can't live in closed minded society, it is not helping my depression and I feel like I dont have a choice but to stay because all the things that are forcing me to stay here (knee, school) But today for example I couldnt get out of bed until now, and now its 7pm. I dont know if its worth the school for me to stay here, the knee therapy will be over by december and then I have to do some Xrays hopefully the doctor will say "well, just take care of yourself and go kid" as it is, its hard to imagine that I will be stuck here another month. and when if im available to leave how much money im going to have, maybe I"ll be stuck here. Nobody has offered me a job, and believe me I have tried.
I was thinking today that I would totally spend the last money that I have for a ticket to tj, have you guys come to tj and hold me and talk for hours, it would be worth the money.
I feel like i'm in jail, I bearly ever see other human being. Faith wont seat down and talk to me, i dont know why, and that makes me sad. she comes here when she needs to use the internet or when she lets me hang out with the kids but I really wish I had her as a friend to talk to, I know that I still love her but really i just need somebody to listen. but she won't even explain why she won't do it.
My family is not the best support when it comes to your emotions, they prefer if you could keep it to your self. specially if it comes to my issues.
I feel like this is breaking me down so hard and I Dont know if im going to be able to go back up. suicide is an option that I cant even think of right now, im not there yet. i dont want to be there either. but God help me i'm so fucking alone.