intervention

I dont know why sometimes (every few months) i get into watch endless episodes on youtube of the A&E program "intervention". its a show about addicts and how are they fucking up their lifes and then comes the intervention and off they go for a couple of months to a facility. Some make it some dont.
I think i become addicted to this show When i watch it. if im not watching it, and like 99% of the time I dont think about it, im fine.
But like right now, after watching I think 4 episodes I feel like them. like all sad and beat up, and I was already sad to start with so that wasnt a good idea.
Well I had a good day today actually, I was in a good mood. I just have to get back to that mood and think about it and forget about that show. Its like when you see a weird movie and that weird feeling stays in you.
I dont know why I want to know about the lives of addicts, maybe because of my ex BJ, maybe because I have always been curious. I dont know. its terrifying. its like a bad accident that you cant stop looking at.
now its 1.18am and im going to wake up late because of that and waste the morning...not that I have much to do but at least i would be doing something.
Sometimes I forget that im in merida in my sisters house and no longer with faith... then I remember and I get sad again.
sometimes I think of the possibilities of where i can take my life and there are so many choices but I dont know if all those choices are real or Im just being a dreamer.
There's a mosquito who I cant kill and has been poking my arm all night. I have like 5 bumps in my arm.
ok time to sleep. I hope I dont think about those stupid episodes.