its done

oh my god its done, i have the FUCKING ticket, I HATE that ticket.
I hATE this feeling, I hate my heart. jesus christ the babies, jude's birthday, his cake
his laugh god
I love them so much, do parents get over their love for their children?
and I am not even their real mom or whatever but I feel so much for them that it just seems it will be impossible to get over children.
one thing is your ex and another those little people that were part of your life and thought you so much and soften your heart.
It gets me sad now everytime I see a kid, every fucking time.
i lost them. I lost her.
I dont see how am i going to get out of this one.
and she seems so fine, so ok with the breakup like it wasn't big deal.
she is happy
i am the most miserable person
my dad says the kids will be ok, and I believe they will, I wasn't in their lives long enough for them to miss me for too long plus they have both of their parents and kellye.
but i am left alone, with the memories.
memories that are in two bins and tattooed on my brain.
I have cried every night and day from a month now.
and they will be a lot more of those once I leave this town.
we won't be looking at the same sky, they will be back here everybody will be back here but me.
because i wasn't accepted
I dont regret the relationship. it was the most fantastic feeling I have ever felt for somebody and for her children and family.
I learned so much
and now I am paying with tears of blood

I guess everything has its price