since nobody is reading

and I need to write it down so I can breath better

I feel like If this pain continues for another month I am not going to make it.
I rather be dead, I do, this is too intense! I can't function, I can't do anything.
The pain rests on my chest and its choking me.
Its all I can think about as soon as I open my eyes, EVERY FUCKING DAY! EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAMN DAY.
I have always been a fighter, a survivor, but I seriously think I cant get over this one. And nobody knows really how much i'm hurting, because if they knew they wouldnt leave alone. I want it to be over. I love life but this is not life and It hasn't get any better, just worse and worse, im getting weaker and I can't fight it anymore.
I love her so much.
I miss them so much.

And she is over us, I think she got over us as soon as she finished her sentence when she broke it off.
so much for being memorable... so much for being loved.

I think of the ways I can kill myself, I wouldn't do it in the apt because its not faire for my roomates.
I dont have a gun, jumping off freeways its nasty and involves too many people. I don't want to cause more trouble.

If anybody reads this and I'm gone.
I want everybody to know that I love them, and that i'm sorry. I'm sorry for doing this to you, but please think that I will be at peace and will not be suffering anymore.
This is no life, I can't function, I cant find a job, I can't do anything without crying. I cant even sleep and it has been months like this.
I really tried my hardest to make the relationship work and I know it wasn't enough, I know i was an asshole sometimes and I couldn't stop it. I fucked up the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, ever.
I can't live with that. i just can't

I am so tired.